The Protocol of the Elbow

Today, I elbowed somebody. I say this with neither pride nor shame but with a slight matter of fact tone about my voice. Perhaps with the same tone one might announce that they purchased something rather unusual during the course of the day. Like a pocket watch or a hemp basket. Anyway the tone of voice is neither hither nor thither, the elbow however remains.

It happened as I got on my train to work, I sat down and my elbow nudged the book of the lady next to me. She was reading a Graphic Novel of some description. She immediately scowled without expecting me to notice, but being the keen eyed wizard that I am, I saw her scowl as plain as can be, and immediately apologised. As quick as I could. Just so I could take satisfaction in seeing her facial expression change from a dirty judging grimace to a simpering apologetic smile. She said "it's ok! Don't worry." it was at this point I wanted to tell her that:

"I wasn't worried or worrying in the slightest. Its not like i did it on purpose. And also that if it was ok then what was with the scowl bitch? And that if her graphic novel wasn't the size of a semi detatched house then people wouldn't accidentally elbow her on the train. And if she stopped reading graphic novels in PUBLIC then she would reduce the risk of being elbowed altogether by a significant amount. And that if her emotions and attitudes change as quickly as her facial expressions suggest, then she would be a terrible friend, let alone partner to anybody, no wonder you're alone."

I thought this over. I thought quick yet hard like a thought ninja, and realised this was excessive. I merely smiled back and the journey continued without incident.

Peace out.